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Sacred Marriage Rating: 7 on a scale of 10 Review This is a nice book. It is written by a fellow who is a writer. He likes to study things then write about them. He uses a lot of personal anecdotes and stories. He has some excellent perspectives that we should all take note of and consider in our own lives. For example, he is aware of how God interacts with us from a feminine perspective. This is a good obserhvation on his part. It is something we should all be aware of and value. For many men this will seem foreign and strange, that's why you should consider reading this book and begin to investigate what this means. He is aware of how marriage calls us to learn about and love what I call "the other". It is common for people to marry their opposite personality style. And even if you marry someone similar to yourself, just a slight variation such as one person being a thinker and the other being a feeling based person is enough to set up a lifetime of challenge in learning to love and respect "the other". In 1John 4:20-21 we are asked how can we love God if cannot love the brother we can see right here in front of us. The same question and dilemma is presented to us in marriage. In truth, this is the central message of the New Testament. We are to love our enemies, love our neighbors, and love our wives. We are shown the example of the good Samaritan and the prodigal son. Our challenge is to love people, especially the ones we find hard to love. Marriage becomes one of primary areas to develop these qualities in ourselves. How can we love God if we cannot love the woman or man put right here with us day in and day out? This is a huge and daunting task for us all. If God is both feminine and masculine in character, how do we as a couple join together in away that makes this a reality? This book asks these questions, but did not always answer it well. Using Jungian theory, I could come up with a lot more discussion in this arena that would be very useful. There is a chapter on "cleansing marriage". This was a good chapter to a degree. He discusses what would be called "projection" in a psychological sense. He makes the point that most of the time, if we fix our own issues with our husband or wife, then a lot of problems go away. He doesn't understand exactly why this is, and he notes it can take a long time. This is where I wish he were a bit more sophisticated in a therapeutic sense. Marriage is a realm in which we project onto our partner all the wondrous things we desire and perhaps these are things we desire regarding ourselves. This can get a bit complicated, but unwinding our projections can help immensely. A projection is when we see in another something we can't see in ourselves. Here is an example, if I get mad at my wife because she did not clean up after herself, what are my issues in this situation. Well, first off, I am naturally the one who is more likely to be orderly and clean up. I am the one who prefers order. I am not tolerant of disorder in myself. When I see her being disorderly, what rises up in me is my reaction to disorder, but I don't see it in me, I see it or project it into her. I have become uncomfortable with my own reaction inside of me to disorder, but I don't even bother to take notice of that. I can't see my own reaction inside. So, I want to see her react so she can help my unvoiced and unknown comfort inside. If she reacts the way I desire then all is well, if not then my discomfort increases and I become more of a pain and eventually I go "berserk" over something that may be rather trivial. Now, if I can unravel this knot I have created and become aware of my projection, maybe then I can give her the grace needed to resolve this problem. In fact, maybe there won't even be a problem when I begin to understand my inner reaction and process it more appropriately. This sounds simple, but the projections can be quite entrenched, difficult to see, and you may require the help of a sensitive friend or therapist, and you must be willing to see yourself much more clearly and honestly. Awareness in the marriage relationship can lead to suffering. He captures this concept to a degree. It could probably be expanded on also. I like his concept of falling forward. This is a nice concept. For me, I like more to contemplate the reality of "the other". There is a great quote from him on page 161, "A mature husband and wife can grow leaps and bounds spiritually as they learn to compromise and move toward the other". There could be a whole book written about "the other", and marriage is one of our primary ways to learn about "the other". And who is the most other of all for us? Why of course it is God. This is why we have marriage to teach us about what our heavenly relationships will need to survive. When we look around at the world we don't have a lot of good examples it would seem. This is a book about the other and our relationship to the other. It is about what we inappropriately project onto the other. This is a good book. Many people will benefit from it. But this book may not promote the depth of awareness I would like to see developed in couples. There are deeper things to consider, but this is a great start. All opinions are those of Curtis Climer, MD Copyright 2010
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